The Unseen Struggles of Infertility in Relationships

1. Different Coping Styles: How Infertility Can Create Distance

Infertility reveals how differently we cope with pain. One partner may need to talk, cry, and process aloud, while the other withdraws, internalizing their emotions in an effort to “stay strong.” Without understanding these differences, couples can end up feeling disconnected, even when they’re fighting for the same dream.

2. The Strain on Intimacy: When Sex Becomes a Schedule

When conception becomes a clinical, scheduled process filled with ovulation tracking, hormone injections, and doctor’s appointments, intimacy can suffer. Sex can start to feel like an obligation instead of a connection. The pressure to “perform” at the right time, the weight of disappointment month after month, it can create distance, guilt, and resentment.

3. The Pressure to ‘Stay Positive’: Toxic Positivity in Infertility

Society tells us that if we just “stay positive,” everything will work out. But positivity is not a cure for heartbreak.Many partners struggle with the pressure to protect each other from pain, leading to forced optimism, unspoken fears, and emotional isolation.

The Unseen Struggles of Infertility in Relationships

Rebuilding Connection: Insights from Terry Real

Relationship expert Terry Real reminds us that relational challenges are not just obstacles; they are opportunities for transformation. Infertility can break a couple or deepen their bond, it all depends on how you navigate it.

✓ Radical Honesty: How to Talk About Infertility Without Fear

Being brutally honest about your emotions, without filtering them to “protect” your partner—creates deeper intimacy. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try, “I feel like I’m failing. I feel scared. I feel lost.” Vulnerability builds connection.

✓ Shifting from ‘Me vs. You’ to ‘Us vs. the Problem’

Rather than turning against each other in frustration, partners can shift their mindset: “We are a team facing this challenge together.” Reframing the struggle this way can prevent resentment and reinforce trust.

✓ Reclaiming Joy—Because Infertility Can’t Have Everything

Infertility will consume everything if you let it. But it doesn’t have to. Laugh. Play. Explore. Remember what makes your relationship strong beyond this struggle. The world doesn’t stop turning just because you’re in the fight of your life, hold onto what makes your partnership beautiful outside of infertility.

Beyond the Binary: Infertility & All Relationships

Infertility doesn’t just impact heterosexual couples, it affects all partnerships, all identities, all family structures.

LGBTQ+ couples often find themselves forced into the world of assisted reproductive technology (ART) not as an option, but as a necessity. Navigating sperm donation, egg donation (I know a thing or two about this!), surrogacy, and IVF can be both empowering and deeply alienating in a medical system that often fails to acknowledge their unique struggles.

Single parents by choice face their own emotional and logistical hurdles, from lack of emotional support to the overwhelming financial and medical barriers of conception.

Unexplained infertility leaves many couples stranded in uncertainty—who is “at fault”? What’s the next step when doctors have no answers? This was us…

Men & Non-Binary Partners in Infertility
Men and non-binary partners often find themselves erased from the infertility conversation. Some quietly shoulder their partner’s pain, feeling the crushing expectation to “be strong.” Others receive the infertility diagnosis themselves, confronting shame, self-doubt, and the realization that their path to parenthood may look completely different than expected.

Infertility is not just a women’s issue, it is a relationship issue, a human issue, a family issue. It impacts all of us, in every form that family can take.